The good.. the bad.. and the ugly.. a year of thoughts

So I’ve been thinking, which is never a good thing, about all the experiences that I’ve had on this adventure of mine, and I must say.. I’ve had so many that I think my short little lifetime is pretty full.. most of it good, some of it bad.. and of course.. some of it ugly..

I am now reminded of the movie, The good, the bad and the ugly..

I digress.. but I must warn you.. this is a stream of consciousness so it may seem random and not really well put together..

So last year, after a year and a half of waiting and working my butt off, I finally got my wish, joining the Peace Corps. Of course I had no idea what awaited me.. I was ready to get out into the world and have an adventure that not many people in the world get to experience. I guess its one thing to travel, and occasionally travel off the beaten path, but its another to live in another culture and experience life apart from those you love and know for two years.. Almost total immersion into another life..

At times it feels unreal.. you sit there and you go.. yes.. I am hearing the call to prayer right now.. this is real.. you aren’t dreaming this. You are having a conversation in another language and yes, you understand about 95% of it. But its also much more than that.. It’s having strangers come up to you, knowing your name and where you live and most of the time, that you are single, not married and of course should be set up with the nearest bachelor.. Because every family here has someone they could set you up with. It’s eating rice for breakfast, lunch, dinner and all the snacks in between. It’s hearing the “hey mister” or even worse the whistles of people trying to get your attention. It’s everyone who can speak one word of english trying to impress you with their skills, even if their skills make no sense whatsoever. It’s overcoming a cultural obstacle when you make a mistake. It’s seeing people make concessions for you without you having to ask them. It’s sitting in a car with 3 friends who a year ago you didn’t even know and joking about how one of them is always late. It’s finally realizing that this whole adventure, while stressful, annoying and maddening, is also amazing, inspiring and worth it.

I’ve had so many good times here that I feel lucky that I am able to experience it. There have been so many times I was so close to calling it quits. I’m sure my mom wishes that I would so she could glue me to her side haha.. but I guess whats kept me here is the good memories and the promises of more. It’s meeting 3 other strangers, sharing a village and language teacher and getting to know each other within our little village life. It’s seeing 26 other strangers every friday for ‘thrilling’ training sessions and numerous shots. And after a short while, it’s extremely hard to pinpoint, these strangers become your friends, your lifeline. They will be the people you call crying, the people you call when something goes right and the people you call just because. These are people you may not have been friends with before, under normal circumstances, but they are now people that you will probably be friends with for the rest of your life. It’s also getting to know the people that you live with. You are thrown into a household and these people become your family. It’s getting to the point that you chase your little host brother around the house laughing. It’s breaking the barrier and giving them all hugs when you finally have to leave them for the unknown. When they became family instead of strangers is also hard to pinpoint.. it’s something that just happened..

And then something bad happens.. You feel homesick.. You aren’t sure why you are here anymore.. Nothing seems to be going right.. Everyone you connected with are now far away and you feel alone. But when it seems like nothing could get better you meet someone and things click. You start to get involved and meet more people and find that this someone is now a friend. You realize that you have someone else depending on you and leaving just isn’t as much of an option as it was before. You have an outlet for your feelings.. even when things get real shitty, this person is there and, while they may not understand the whole situation, they can give you a new point of view..

And when times get really hard.. and you miss home even more.. you remember those people that you trained with and they bring you back. There are more and more chances to meet up and hang out and share experiences.. There are little trips to visit other sites.. There are vacations and day trips and events. While everyone does seem so far away, really they aren’t, and even though the bad days seem to take ages to end, you know that you will always have the support of those people.. They are there.. For the good, the bad, and the ugly..

There comes a time when everything starts to blend together and life moves on.. You start to realize that this is doable and really.. Is two years all that much? Time moves faster and faster and suddenly all you have are memories.. Moving from the first host family, having family visit, going on vacation, bonding, getting attacked by a monkey (hah), getting more shots, training sessions, friends going home, host family issues, moving again, meeting the new group.... Everything that seemed to take ages to start are gone in a blur and before you know it.. It’s been a year.. the ups and downs, they make the whole experience.. You can’t imagine it being anything else (well I guess thats a lie.. I could have done without some of the experiences)

and then..

your sitting at your computer..

working on something for school..

and you start thinking..

thinking about the good..

the bad..

and the ugly..

And you realize.. This is life, is it not? Yes, there are times you want to pull out your hair and scream and take the easy way out, but there isn’t an easy way out all time.. Sometimes its tough and you get dragged through the mud.. And sometimes you take others down with you and you feel like crap.. Nothings going right..

But then you hear something.. And it can be really simple..

Hello Miss Allyson! How are you?

And that does me in..

So here’s to all the strangers who have become friends, the friends who have become lifelines, the family who have become lifesavers.. for without you.. the bad and the ugly would have consumed me.. I have never meant this more than I do now -

I LOVE you all

another week off..

so.. its been an exciting week.. ive moved houses.. which i must say has made me so much happier.. i was really stressing out... ive also been really productive with making a workbook for next year. i got two semesters from one of my classes done.. now just waiting to meet with my counterparts to see what they got.. also found out that ANOTHER volunteer is going home. gone home.. she got in trouble for riding a motorbike.. from hearing the story there was a lot going on around it.. and its sad.. we are dropping like flies this year.. it sucks! better quit soon!

then national exams was this week so no class.. made for a semi-boring week.. got to go to school to use the internet for a little bit and then listened to the listening section of the english national exam.. i must say it was pretty difficult.. i dont think any of my students could have done it.. and i have a lot of faith in my students but every time we do a listening section we have to listen to the tape at least three times and they only played the exam twice but they moved so fast! half of the questions were not written in the book so you had to pay attention to the questions and then all the answers (multiple choice test).. the only thing it had going for it was that it was very clear..

and then today (yesterday by the time i post this) i went to visit a volunteer in jombang. Erika is one very awesome person.. i rode my bike to her site which wasnt bad on the way in.. we got some ice cream then left our bikes at her pasar and then went into jombang city. we went to the pasar (market) there and walked around.. i got some scarves and some shoes, so it was pretty productive.. we walked around a bit which was nice.. i dont get to walk around a lot and it was nice to see something other than my site.. we got some pizza for lunch and then afterwards we walked around for a bit more and then went back to her site to just chill for a little bit.. it was nice getting a chance to see another site.. ive only seen two so far and i hope to see more.. getting out of site is fun haha..

so yeah.. not too much going on.. one of my teachers at school is getting married on saturday.. so im pretty excited.. i really like her.. shes only a little bit older than be and we’ve had a few convos about stuff.. ill try and get some pictures of that.. also got to get some pictures of my house.. i have some of my room.. if i can upload some of the pictures without killing the internet connection at school, then ill try but i cant guarantee anything.. im also out of internet and not sure when ill get it here at my new house..

but yeah.. nothing too exciting is going on.. which is nice.. cant handle it when there is a lot going on..

so yeah hope everyone is happy and healthy!

love you all!

year follow-up

so the last few weeks have been a tumultuous time for me.. I discovered something at my site that really made me mad, upset, frustrated and sad.. For awhile I was sure I would be going home. I felt betrayed and unable to really express my feelings.. Then I went to Surabaya and was able to talk to all of my fellow volunteers and talk about what happened and how that was making me feel and I got an amazing show of support.

I've decided to stay, at least until June, and see if I can regain the momentum that I was feeling a few weeks ago. I am sure down the road I will be able to discuss more about what happened but the issue has still yet to be resolved. I am going to be moving host families. This will be my third time (joy!)

so thanks for sticking around when I never post.. Just know I have had a lot going on.. I appreciate all the thoughts and comments and everything else. I would not have been able to make it through the past year without it all!

so heres to the next two months and maybe the next year!

and yayyyyyy for all the newbies! you are all awesome and I have faith! the first week is almost over!

Have a good day!

LOVE YOU ALL! :)

one year mark!

so its been a year since i left home.. pretty amazing how fast time flies.. really it seems like only yesterday that i left home and got on that plane to san fransisco.. and now here i am.. sitting in an indonesian home typing this up.. it really is crazy.. i went and read through some of my old entries.. oh feels like a lifetime some days..

i know this isnt an awesome entry.. ive been dealing with a lot of.. stuff lately and its made the past few weeks pretty difficult.. so.. i guess watch the blog for announcements in the next coming weeks. could be pretty interesting..

so yes.. one year since leaving home.. its been a crazy ride and ive met so many awesome people, had so many awesome experiences.. its been a real crazy ride..

love you all so much and thank you so so so so so much for all the love and support you have shown me this past year.. :)