The good.. the bad.. and the ugly.. a year of thoughts

So I’ve been thinking, which is never a good thing, about all the experiences that I’ve had on this adventure of mine, and I must say.. I’ve had so many that I think my short little lifetime is pretty full.. most of it good, some of it bad.. and of course.. some of it ugly..

I am now reminded of the movie, The good, the bad and the ugly..

I digress.. but I must warn you.. this is a stream of consciousness so it may seem random and not really well put together..

So last year, after a year and a half of waiting and working my butt off, I finally got my wish, joining the Peace Corps. Of course I had no idea what awaited me.. I was ready to get out into the world and have an adventure that not many people in the world get to experience. I guess its one thing to travel, and occasionally travel off the beaten path, but its another to live in another culture and experience life apart from those you love and know for two years.. Almost total immersion into another life..

At times it feels unreal.. you sit there and you go.. yes.. I am hearing the call to prayer right now.. this is real.. you aren’t dreaming this. You are having a conversation in another language and yes, you understand about 95% of it. But its also much more than that.. It’s having strangers come up to you, knowing your name and where you live and most of the time, that you are single, not married and of course should be set up with the nearest bachelor.. Because every family here has someone they could set you up with. It’s eating rice for breakfast, lunch, dinner and all the snacks in between. It’s hearing the “hey mister” or even worse the whistles of people trying to get your attention. It’s everyone who can speak one word of english trying to impress you with their skills, even if their skills make no sense whatsoever. It’s overcoming a cultural obstacle when you make a mistake. It’s seeing people make concessions for you without you having to ask them. It’s sitting in a car with 3 friends who a year ago you didn’t even know and joking about how one of them is always late. It’s finally realizing that this whole adventure, while stressful, annoying and maddening, is also amazing, inspiring and worth it.

I’ve had so many good times here that I feel lucky that I am able to experience it. There have been so many times I was so close to calling it quits. I’m sure my mom wishes that I would so she could glue me to her side haha.. but I guess whats kept me here is the good memories and the promises of more. It’s meeting 3 other strangers, sharing a village and language teacher and getting to know each other within our little village life. It’s seeing 26 other strangers every friday for ‘thrilling’ training sessions and numerous shots. And after a short while, it’s extremely hard to pinpoint, these strangers become your friends, your lifeline. They will be the people you call crying, the people you call when something goes right and the people you call just because. These are people you may not have been friends with before, under normal circumstances, but they are now people that you will probably be friends with for the rest of your life. It’s also getting to know the people that you live with. You are thrown into a household and these people become your family. It’s getting to the point that you chase your little host brother around the house laughing. It’s breaking the barrier and giving them all hugs when you finally have to leave them for the unknown. When they became family instead of strangers is also hard to pinpoint.. it’s something that just happened..

And then something bad happens.. You feel homesick.. You aren’t sure why you are here anymore.. Nothing seems to be going right.. Everyone you connected with are now far away and you feel alone. But when it seems like nothing could get better you meet someone and things click. You start to get involved and meet more people and find that this someone is now a friend. You realize that you have someone else depending on you and leaving just isn’t as much of an option as it was before. You have an outlet for your feelings.. even when things get real shitty, this person is there and, while they may not understand the whole situation, they can give you a new point of view..

And when times get really hard.. and you miss home even more.. you remember those people that you trained with and they bring you back. There are more and more chances to meet up and hang out and share experiences.. There are little trips to visit other sites.. There are vacations and day trips and events. While everyone does seem so far away, really they aren’t, and even though the bad days seem to take ages to end, you know that you will always have the support of those people.. They are there.. For the good, the bad, and the ugly..

There comes a time when everything starts to blend together and life moves on.. You start to realize that this is doable and really.. Is two years all that much? Time moves faster and faster and suddenly all you have are memories.. Moving from the first host family, having family visit, going on vacation, bonding, getting attacked by a monkey (hah), getting more shots, training sessions, friends going home, host family issues, moving again, meeting the new group.... Everything that seemed to take ages to start are gone in a blur and before you know it.. It’s been a year.. the ups and downs, they make the whole experience.. You can’t imagine it being anything else (well I guess thats a lie.. I could have done without some of the experiences)

and then..

your sitting at your computer..

working on something for school..

and you start thinking..

thinking about the good..

the bad..

and the ugly..

And you realize.. This is life, is it not? Yes, there are times you want to pull out your hair and scream and take the easy way out, but there isn’t an easy way out all time.. Sometimes its tough and you get dragged through the mud.. And sometimes you take others down with you and you feel like crap.. Nothings going right..

But then you hear something.. And it can be really simple..

Hello Miss Allyson! How are you?

And that does me in..

So here’s to all the strangers who have become friends, the friends who have become lifelines, the family who have become lifesavers.. for without you.. the bad and the ugly would have consumed me.. I have never meant this more than I do now -

I LOVE you all